H2H: The By-Stander Effect

Sunday, June 14, 2015

I watch a lot of crime movies & series. Even though I studied corporate law, there's something that draws me to criminal law. Sometime in the week, I was watching Law & Order. The scene was at a Campus and a live feed was showing around the campus. It was a video of a girl being raped. Everyone watched the horrific video but no one called the cops till the rapist finished the rape and the feed was disconnected. When the students were asked why they didn't call the cops, they each replied "I thought someone else would". This is called the "By-Stander Effect"; where nobody does anything because they think someone else will.


Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I went through a traumatic emotional experience and my self esteem became so low. I didn't feel like I had any self worth left. I beat myself every single day and I didn't want to tell anyone because I am the high self esteem "queen". I finally told my mum and she said to me; "Tomilola, no one can make you see your self worth or make your self esteem high again except God and you".


Sunday, April 5, 2015

The lift is broken in my house. Well, actually someone threw up in the lift and it stinks really badly so my sister and I resorted to take the steps instead. Now, neither of us is part of the fitfam. So in our climbing up and down the stairs, I realised something everyone already knows (I can be slow sometimes).

H2H: Your Pain is Valid

Monday, March 23, 2015

It's time to share how I struggled with depression over something so "flimsy". I say bits and bits here and there because to be honest, I struggle with how much of my personal life I put out there and where I come from, you do not admit that you were/are depressed. But from the influx of emails I have received lately, I've come to realise that more people are depressed than you think.

Short Story: The year was 2012. I was in a relationship where 1. I was unequally yoked and 2. I made him a 'god' in my life i.e. I was committing idolatry. So God told me I needed to end the relationship and I didn't want to. I even tried to negotiate my way round it for a couple of months but God's yay is yay and His nay is nay.  Every night, I asked God to end my life so it would be His choice and not mine. And every morning I woke up, I was very disappointed. The incident started in February and I didn't get back to "normal" until September and then in "December", God revealed to me why I went through  all I went through and how even in my pain, He was there even though I couldn't see him. Fast forward to 2015, I am very glad I went through that phase in my life because I experienced God like never before and I grew so much as a Christian. 

Why am I sharing this? To a lot of people, a broken heart is silly, especially in light of others’ pain. The world tells you to check your pain at the door if it's a broken heart. In perspective of other people's pain, you have no right to be sad about a mere breakup. But when you diminish your pain, fearing it insignificant; in the process, you belittle God’s care about your pain. Healing has been offered, but you'll walk away, thinking it is not worth God's trouble.

Your pain is as valid as anyone else's pain. It may be drastically different from the pain of others but it does not mean you're not allowed to feel it. You do not need anyone's permission to feel your ache and loss. Your pain is genuine and this valley you're in, it is real. You know what else is real, that when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God is right there with you. Even if your eyes are so blinded by tears that you cannot see Him, He is there.  (Psalms 23:4).

I am not saying wallow in your hurt forever because if you do, it means you haven't accepted the healing from Jesus that is so freely offered. Don't belittle your grief, but don't also belittle the only One that can help you with your grief and restore your broken heart.

"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds - Psalms 147:3"

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Lots of love,