Sunday, June 9, 2013


I'm not condemning or approving any of the things I mentioned. I'm simply asking us to love each other to acceptance. I'm asking women to stop looking at what other women are doing but why they are doing it. Behind every modification...every change is a woman's desire to conform to a standard of beauty that exists maybe in her the media or even worse in her own head. This isn't the "white vs black" debate.  This is the "women vs women vs the world" debate.

For so long, we've been put against each other. Two women wear the same outfit and it is a case of "who wore it better?". Two women are good friends and someone else is deciding "who is hotter?" Comments like "you're really pretty for a dark skinned girl" and "you're not that pretty, you're just light-skinned" are used to tear women down. Women are constantly been compared to each other. I don't know who started the comparison but I know who can end it. We can end it. We can stop the hate. We can love each other to acceptance. People say love isn't enough. I tell you, LOVE IS ENOUGH. It covers a multitude of sins. Don't mock/judge the girl who bleaches her skin, tell her how beautiful she is the way God made maybe...just maybe she can look in the mirror one day and fall in love with herself inside and out. She isn't too pretty for a dark skinned girl. She is pretty. (FULL STOP) Unless she is medically unhealthy and you're willing to say it with love, don't comment on a woman's weight/size. It's not a case of who wore it better but two ways to style this item. She is not the hotter friend. She is simply a good friend.

All women have or will go through insecurity at some point in their lives. Don't make matters worse by picking on their insecurity but address it and help them feel secure. A confident woman isn't someone who doesn't have insecure moments. A confident woman is one that knows that her insecurities don't define her....that she is better than her bad days.

I could easily blame the hate on men...or the media...or even us women. But I read somewhere that it matters NOT what people call you, but what you answer to. And I don't mean to turn my blog into some inspirational/motivational thing but I think there are loads of blogs with people dressing fancy (which I love) yet there are so many deep-rooted issues that are left untouched. And I think we need to address it for ourselves...mothers...sisters...friends and our daughters.

"And God looked at all that He created and everything He created (including women), He saw as very beautiful - Genesis 1:31"

Lots of love,


  1. I might be young but then I totally get this. Women can be really spiteful and competitive and do horrendous things just so they can meet the standard of what society calls beautiful. Along the line, they also while striving for perfection judge other women and make them feel bad. It's just a very negative cycle that should be stopped. Thank you for sharing Tomi, God bless you. x

  2. Awww Tomi I ma really beginning to enjoy the letters of yours,hehe you should create YouTube videos for them!
    What stood out are 2 things: "It doesn't matter what people call you but what you answer to!" As well as you briefly brushing over the fact that lots of deep-rooted issues are being ignored or not talked about by bloggers whom I personally think could do that. It would be great to see them do that because of how influential they are.
    Anywho...let me go and shower and start my day before I keep

  3. Ohh wow...We were just having this conversation (my Aunt&I) few days back.
    For the truth to be told,this act is commonly among we''BLACK WOMEN'' everything seems to be competitive..The kind of comments/words I see/hear some of we BLACK WOMEN utter about our fellow Women is just saddening...I just pray we all learn to see beyond the media and all & Show ourselves some love..Great post btw..Bless x

  4. Love this!!I TOTALLY AGREE.Ill admit to judging others but thanks for the reminder to love one another!p.s hope you dont mind me stealing afew quotes : )

    1. Go right ahead darling. (Just refer back to the blog if you do). And YES, I'm guilty of being judgemental too so this is something we need to remind ourselves. Xxx

  5. I am in love with this message. At first I thought it was skewed but I begun to understand the message you were drilling down and I commend you.
    I truly do believe we may not have been the creators but you're right, we can be the demolishers of this catastrophe that is b*tchiness.
    *applauds* welldone on a well written post. I look forward to reading more


  6. Thank you for this post
    Women really need to understand that they do not need to conform to a certain standard to be beautiful
    Everyone is different and so is their beauty. It will take a while for women to understand this fact so messages like this make a great impact.

  7. thumbs up love.great love love

  8. The bible says: For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10:12
    Am guilty of comparison and judging people so Tomi God bless you for this reminder :)

  9. This is very inspiring and so true! I wish more people would think like this, but I feel like it's gonna take a while for people to act that way. Not to forget the people who are genuinely mean to others, which is the worst :/

  10. "No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and HIS love is brought to full expression in us."
    1 JOHN 4:12.

    It's really disheartening the way humans always put down each other. The truth is that we hate ourselves!
    Prolly cos of jealousy or just because!
    My dear, if you visit Nigerian entertainment blogs and see the way people are being devoured by their fellow Nigerians, you would weep. These peeps say these things just to make themselves feel better. If we learn to love ourselves, it would go a long way to put an end to all these.
    God help us all!

    Great post btw. I love the use of pictures, makes it more interesting.

  11. You know!!!!! I don't know y we have to keep comparing ourselves like we r perfect .....lovely post btw!!

  12. Word! Really like the post. Truly inspiring. You go girl ;)

    xoxo Gozika

  13. Very cute....great post! We all need a total re-orientation.

  14. I like the way you address issues on your blog, Tomi. You do it in such a simple and yet effective way.

  15. Brilliant post, I agree with everything!
    We simply need to learn how to love ourselves
    Claudia x

  16. Forgot to're beautiful nose or no nose! You're perfect dear!

  17. This totally relates to a post coming up on my blog today. I like your point of view "It's not a case of who wore it better but two ways to style this item."..well said. A lot of blogs have the "who wore it better" or "Hit or Miss" episodes constantly running. Though i never saw anything wrong in the comparisons,i still opted to stick to positivity When i switched to fashion blogging, which is quite refreshing.

    This is a beautiful post.
    i love it.

  18. Indeed God made all things beautiful and our diverse physical differences together make us a "beautiful people." A garden of just "red pretty roses" is not as beautiful as a garden of "different color roses" which is beautiful, vibrant and attractive to everyone. We are all beautiful just as we are

    Thanks for sharing..

  19. Beautiful post!

  20. Nice post and great blog

  21. Great post, I found it thanks to ironyofashis blog. This is very thought provoking... this has been an issue that has bothered me too, the constant bashing of women. I remember reading praises for J.Lo's dress for the grammy's this year and the sad thing is that people couldn't compliment her without insulting Angelina Jolie( who wore a similar looking dress at one point), saying she looked terrible and bony and wasn't a real woman. It was sad really.
    I've always hated the "Real women have/look like this" statement.. as if women without e.g. curves or long hair aren't real women. Who decided this?

    Thanks for this post

  22. Why oh why can't woman and men be happy with what God gave them?

    p.s I have a giveaway to win £50 vouchers to spend on Africas Runway. Details on

  23. Oh. and
    You're very creative dear. :)


I am so glad you're taking the time out to comment. It really does put a smile on my face ♥