Wednesday, December 24, 2014

#IAMACHRISTIAN but I struggle with...


I knew it wasn't just me. I knew I could not be the only one who raised holy hands and sometimes use the F-Word when I was irritated. I needed to know I was not alone in loving God but struggling to please Him in every area of my life. So I spoke to a friend, she said she didn't use the F-Word. It wasn't her thing. Then she said
"I want to please God but I struggle with fornication." Then my other friend would judge everything that breathes because he was raised in a strict religious household and didn't know better. 

What I realised from my struggles and those conversations is this; a lot of us are struggling with various vices, all the while (subconsciously) putting up a front as "almost perfect" Christians. 

 I reached out to a lot of people to know their struggles. I wanted us to be open. I wanted to show struggling Christians that they, sorry I mean we, are not alone. A member of a church I was attending once told a story about when he was younger and single and was struggling with fornication. He told his flatmate about this struggle. His babe came to visit him one day and they both went inside his room and locked the door. His flatmate however kept knocking his door pretending to be looking for something in his room (pretty much, being a nuisance), until the babe got irritated and left. He said he did not fornicate that day simply because his flatmate did not let him and that felt really good. 
 Now, I use the word "struggle" because it indicates that you are bound and you are putting in effort to be free of restraint. It means we are not justifying these vices. We are saying we want to be free of it.

DID YOU KNOW? Judas Iscariot had a problem with greed. He liked money way too much. I feel like if he had just gone up to meet Jesus first and then his fellow disciples and said "guys, I'm struggling with greed, I need some form of checks and balances", maybe he wouldn't have betrayed Jesus Christ for some pieces of silver.....maybe they would have prayed together....watched his back and helped him overcome greed. Just maybe. But how could they have known, if he never told them.

 DID YOU ALSO KNOW? Paul struggled too. He said "I do not understand what I do. For, what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do" (Romans 7:15)


I remember praying one day and telling God; "I've sunk so low into sin" and He said "not so low that I cannot lift you up". I said "I've gone too far into sin" and He said "not so far that my hands cannot reach you"





Side Note: Preparing this post taught me a lesson in humility and fear I never like to ask people for anything. I just see it as not imposing on anyone but really it's an element of pride. I also don't like rejection. I sent around 30 emails. Some of these people I've never spoken to. Some of these people didn't respond. Lol. But through it all, I learnt that people may say NO if you ask, but you'll never get a YES either if you don't ask.


This is by far the most vulnerable post ever and I couldn't have been so vulnerable if I didn't have these amazing people to hold my hands. To the people who participated; I cannot say thank you enough....for being vulnerable with me and the world. I pray that our Heavenly Father rewards you for your honesty and bravery in Jesus name.

 "Two are better than one. If one falls down, the other can help the other up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12" 

"Confess your sins to one another & pray for one another - James 5:16"

I hope someone is encouraged by this. Have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.


Lots of love,
Tomilola E.

Keep in Touch: Instagram // Bloglovin // Google+ // Twitter

72 comments:

  1. I love this post. Love love it. Thank you :)

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    1. No, THANK YOU for reading. God bless you xx

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  2. Thanks,I am a Christian but I struggle with anger and patience

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  3. And also jealousy,not feeling good enough

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    1. You are good enough for God to send His only Son to die for your sins so He can have a relationship with you. That's all that matters and should matter.

      I pray against the spirit of anger, patience and jealousy in your life. I pray that all these are replaced by the fruits of the Holy Spirit in Jesus name.

      Don't give up on yourself. Keep fighting. God'so grace is sufficient xx

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  4. It's the most amazing post you've put up...I can relate with almost all these struggles. Thanks to you and all the ladies that worked with you on this for being honest :)

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    1. Thank you very much. All the ladies that participated are really God sent and I really couldn't have done this without them xx

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  5. "I've sunk so low into sin" and He said "not so low that I cannot lift you up...this happened to me,in final year ,i did something completely out of character,but God led me back to him
    blessed by this post
    MERRY CHRISTMAS TOMILOLA

    The Fashion Engineer

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    1. Thank God o. We are never so far away that His hands and love cannot reach us.
      Merry Christmas to you too dear xx

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  6. I'm a Christian but I struggle with my faith. Letting go and letting God.

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    1. God bless you for your honesty.
      Remember faith comes by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17). Spend more time in His Words and pray and God will crown your efforts with Abraham-like faith in Him in Jesus name.

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  7. Oh my Jesus, I love this. I love, love love love love this. It makes me realize that we're all just human and we fail. We all have things about us that aren't perfect. I struggle with a lot of things and the main one being not feeling good enough. I've done MANY wrongs and they continue to haunt me although I've prayed and asked for forgiveness. It's an ongoing battle and everyday is a lesson.

    Merry Christmas Tomi! God bless you for this!

    Thy Bliss Calls

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    1. I love the fact that you called it "an ongoing battle". It shows you haven't given up on yourself. May the Lord strengthen you and help you see your unquestionable worth in Christ Jesus.

      Merry Christmas to you too love. Amen!!!

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  8. <3
    Merry Christmas Tomilola.
    By His grace, our struggles will be easier to deal with. x

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  9. I love this post. Goes to show dat we r not all perfect and we all have various struggles in life and dat we can be open about it and nt feel guilty for going through these struggles. Thank you for this post.

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    1. Yeah. Going through these struggles is a form of sanctification. After salvation, we need to be sanctified.

      No, not me. Thank God for the inspiration to share this post.

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  10. I love this post. It just makes me realise that you can never be alone. May God help us through our struggles. MERRY CHRISTMAS Tomilola

    BuzzedbyBeauty

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    1. Amen. His grace is already sufficient. We must now tap into this grace.

      Merry Christmas to you too dear xx

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  11. That fornication bit is the hardest. That's a struggle that gets to me the most, makes me feel filthy and unworthy of God's mercy and grace....ofcourse I am not worthy, but this just makes it worse. Now I know that feeling Adam n Eve had after eating from the forbidden tree. Sometimes I'll say ' God I promise I wouldn't do this again' and I'll find myself doing it again. This is something I have never shared with anybody. And I've figured that's where the problem is. Like Tomilola rightly said. We all feel terrible about sin..it's a shameful thing. Its not something we feel like we can share with anybody, cos we feel everyone will judge us, and that's the trick the devil plays on us. But the Bible gives us a beautiful solution 'Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results'. It's not just about confessing our sins to God, it's about confessing our sins to eachother. The difficult thing about that is that there are so many judgemental people out there who would even make you feel worse. It's in our best interest to find someone who isn't like a pharisee and get them to help us with the stuff we struggle with, or form a network of people who struggle with a particular kind of sin so we can help eachother...I AM A CHRISTIAN BUT I STRUGGLE WITH FORNICATION!!!!. Thank you Tomilola for this beautiful piece.

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    1. I think with fornication, it is very important to flee from the appearance of evil. We need to physically and spiritually fight fornication. I know, because it is my struggle as well. No sleepovers. No unequally yoked relationship. no home alone chilling with someone you are attracted to. We must pray but we must also take actions. Faith without works is dead.

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  12. This is great post dear. No one is perfect we have to know that, we all have struggles we just have to admit and start working on it. Put it all in God's hand. Merry Christmas dear
    Divadiari.blogspot.com

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    1. Yeap. We must admit it. Pray for each other. Trust God to help us fight our fleshly desires

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  13. Thank you Tomilola.
    This is really helpful.

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  14. ( I forgot to add this:)
    I really like how you remind us we are all struggling with sins. Not like ultra-christians who act like pharisees and are so sanctimonious, like they are sin-free, and make us feel so unworthy.
    Thank you for preaching love, not fear.
    Merry Christmas xoxo

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    1. No one is sin free. But we must also realise that we are grace filled and we really have the power to say NO to sin.

      May God help us say NO at all times so we can put an end to this struggle once and for all.

      Merry Christmas love. Xxx

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    2. Is that statement really accurate though? No one is sin free?
      Whilst I really do not sound like the "ultra-Christians" described above (especially as I know I'm not perfect as of yet),is that correct. Isn't sin/blemish/spot/wrinkle, whatever we want to call it what disqualifies people from being rapturable? If no one is really without sin and no one has ever been without sin, does that mean no one has died in Christ?

      By the way, I love this post. It was really, really brave of you and all the other ladies to do this. I pray that we all yield to the voice of the Holyspirit as He helps with our struggles. Amen!

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    3. Thank you for reading hun and Amen to us yielding to the Holy Spirit.

      Saying no one is sin free isn't Me saying we do not have power over sin. It is saying we do not exercise that power all the time.

      1 John 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we decieve ourselves and the truth is not in us. Jesus Christ did die for our sins, the future and the past. What that means is not that we are righteous, it means in Christ, God sees us as righteous. We are justified by faith through Jesus Christ. That is salvation. The post isn't about salvation. It is about sanctification....the journey to becoming more like Jesus and less like our old selves. Even in our Lord's Prayer that is the model Christian prayer, Jesus told us to say to God "forgive our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us". And that is a prayer we pray daily, it isn't one of salvation but of sanctification. The only reason I can even think of asking God for forgiveness is because I have the reassurance that Jesus died for my sins.

      I hope this clarifies things a little bit.

      God bless you hun

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  15. Thank you soo much for this. You have no idea how much I needed this! God bless you namesake!

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    1. Namesake mi, let us thank God and AMEN!! xx

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  16. Wow this post is so amazing, I got chills as I read through all of them. It just goes to show that God really does love us all, each and everyone of us and the quote about be nice to everyone you meet because you never know their story or their struggle made this post so real. I really enjoy your blog dear, thank you so much for stopping by mine so I could find yours! :) Happy Holidays to everyone reading this. Thank you all, of you for the time and effort you put into making this post such a powerful and inspiring post.


    http://lifestylefinesse.com

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    1. I'm so glad a simple post could bless you this way. Look at how God works!!! Merry Christmas dear xx

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  17. I am a christian..but I struggle with fornication..

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    1. May God put an end to those struggles in Jesus name.
      Thank you for being honest.
      Merry Christmas xx

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  18. Wow, Tomi.. God Bless you sooo much for this post.
    im completely speechless.
    #imachristain but i struggle with Impatience and Prayer.

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    1. Amen. Thank You so much. May God teach you how to speak with Him and be patient. Thank you for being honest xx

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  19. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post. My list is loooooooooooooong :(

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    1. Trust me, my list is looonnnggggg too.
      Thank you for reading xx

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  20. You are such a beautiful soul, I really enjoy your posts and I'm very thankful that you shared this with us all..
    Merry Christmas hun <3

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    1. Thank you so much Diane. Thank God for the people who helped me with this post.
      In my head, you're my sister, that's how much I love you xx

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  21. This is truly amazing n it made me like u more giving that I dnt even know you but u always seem to post something that relates to me somehow,I struggle with virtually all the things above but I always bank on God to set me free n I know 1 day I will be like Christ..((I love this post..Thanks a lot u dnt knw how this made me feel..Enjoy the holidays

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    1. Thank you sooo much. I love your faith and declaration; "i know one day I'll be like Christ". That's amazing!!! I claim that for you and all of us in Jesus name. That's the goal. xx

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  22. Choi I just found your blog today and am feeling real good about it.
    I love this post. So am just going to leave my own tag.
    #Iamachristian but I struggle with inferiority complex,lying,beating myself up and depression.
    It gets better with time.
    God bless you for doing this.
    I will be sure to stick around.

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    1. You are beautiful just as you are. Know that in your heart. I battled depression so I know for a fact that it is an evil spirit and pray against it from your life in Jesus name.

      Thank you so much for reading, hope to hear from you soon xx

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  23. Great post. It's a nice thing to have all those people put up those write-ups. I'm a Christian too and I sure struggle with a lot of things...

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    1. They are brave,honest and God sent people. I'm thankful for them.
      Thank you xx

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  24. This is amazing. I will have to say that tears were in my eyes as I was reading this.
    God is going to use you mightily. I can see it. I am so proud of you.

    www.desiringyou.blogspot.com

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    1. Amennnnnn. Thank you so much Funmi. No, really, thank you. I feel encouraged and humbled reading these comments.

      I am so glad a simple post like this could affect you that way. That's definitely God, not me. xx

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  25. wow..this is one of the best post ever..came at the right time for many..God bless you for encouraging others..

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    1. Thank you. Amennn, God bless you for reading xx

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  26. I am a Christain and i struggle with fornication.You know the sad part is that i can control myself i just usually decide to do it and the Holy spirit keeps telling me he has given me that self control i need.I have had dreams that seems like warnings but i dont know what the hell is wrong with me.The problem is I know very well that my boyfriend would be cool with it if i decide we do not as we didnt engage in such for the first 18months we were together (as a matter of fact atimes i seduce him.lol).Dont judge me.But i feel like it may create a vacuum in our relationship.Anyways, I am trying to spend more time with God hopefully that would make the difference but would love if you told me how you go about studying the word apart from the normal devotional.

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  27. this is super amazing, i wish i got a chance to share my own struggles too.
    love this post so much.
    we all struggle with things that we don't want to share but this is so amazing seeing people with the same struggles.x
    www.deemako.com

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  28. i am a christian and i struggle with fornication, unbelief and depression

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  29. Tomi, may God bless you and every one who was not ashamed of sharing their struggles.
    This is very inspiring.........and i thought i was alone, this has helped a great deal...:)

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  30. I am a Christian and I struggle with masturbation. Every time I indulge myself in the act, I feel depressed and feel like God would hate me. I stop for some time then I find myself going back to it. It hurts. I know God would help me through all of this. This was a lovely post by the way

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  31. What a great post!
    I can relate to some of the struggles.
    "I am a Christian but I don't feel that I have completely gave my life to God."

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  32. I quite enjoyed this post. I think at the end of the day nobody is perfect, and nobody is expected to be perfect. In fact what I dislike the most is those that judge others, for this exact reason that NOBODY out there, even that who is judging, is perfect.

    http://skylish.co.uk

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  33. This is really inspiring and uplifting..my first time on your blog and I'm filled with so much inspiration..I have a problem of not being able to ask for things or beg too much because I feel like I'm a burden but I tink its pride..so, I'lld say I struggle withe pride, doubt, worry and impatience. I'm glad am not alone in the battle and I'm glad we can all share and help eachother with our struggles. Thanks for going the extramile to share this post. I really needed it!.

    Sophsinspirations.blogspot.com

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  34. i love this... thanks a lot for sharing
    blog : http://melodyjacob1.blogspot.com/
    facebook : https://www.facebook.com/MelodyJacobBlog?fref=ts
    thanks

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  35. Wow!! Now this is something!! **deep sighs.. I admire the fact that you and all these wonderful ladies came out clean and open about it, cause many people believe they are saints and in my confused head yeah, that is more of a turn off than a means of help, as when such talk to me, it seems like they are judging me. I am a christian, I mean half of the world and if not more are, but I struggle not cause i cant stop, but cause i cant be prefect. Maybe a step at a time we will outgrow all these vices, maybe marriage would end the fornication, but we never know do we? We never know... Cheers Bubba, this was an amazing read..

    P.S: Bia did i just read you are 22.. goddamnit, i must have growth problems.. **Winks.. xx

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  36. Truly inspiring and very relatable, Thank you for speaking the truth to hearts worn in silence!!

    cocophemie.com

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  37. I'm so in love with this post. It's so inspiring. I thought I was alone in this. It is well!

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  38. Thank you so much for this post . I have been struggling with something so close to me that no one else could understand. This was like GOD speaking to me.

    I'm a Christian and I struggle with fornication

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  39. I don't know why I'm just finding this blog, but I'm glad this post brought me here
    I'm a christian but I still struggle with evangelism, using swear words, having a proper quiet time
    God bless you for this post

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  40. How did I miss this post for soo long. This got to me in every way. I read this with goosebumps.. you have no idea the number of people u have helped with this post.
    I struggle with a lot of things...lies...insecurity but am getting better...becoming better
    Shared this on my bbm and would like to ask for permission to post the link to this post on my blog
    God bless you for this

    Stylebyenkay.blogspot.com

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    1. Hi Ede,

      I am really glad that this blessed you. Thank God for working through this post to bless people. And yes, you can definitely share this on your blog. You just have to credit it back to me (Tomilola Escada) and my blog (www.tomilolaescada.com)

      Thank you. God bless you.

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  41. I just found your blog and OMG!! Thank you for this post, can totally relate!! God help us all.
    www.officialfantasy.wordpress.com

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  42. Thank you all so much for reading, commenting and sharing this post. Thank you for opening up your struggles to grow in Christ. I really really appreciate it. Thank you so much. May God strengthen our walk in Christ in Jesus name.

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  43. I love this post! Thank you!

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  44. I love this post! Thank you! #iamachristian

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  45. I enjoyed every bit of this post.. kinda make u feel you are not alone in your struggles.. and that God;s love is unending.

    The Fome Native
    www.thefomenative.blogspot.com

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I am so glad you're taking the time out to comment. It really does put a smile on my face ♥