Monday, March 23, 2015

H2H: Your Pain is Valid


It's time to share how I struggled with depression over something so "flimsy". I say bits and bits here and there because to be honest, I struggle with how much of my personal life I put out there and where I come from, you do not admit that you were/are depressed. But from the influx of emails I have received lately, I've come to realise that more people are depressed than you think.


Short Story: The year was 2012. I was in a relationship where 1. I was unequally yoked and 2. I made him a 'god' in my life i.e. I was committing idolatry. So God told me I needed to end the relationship and I didn't want to. I even tried to negotiate my way round it for a couple of months but God's yay is yay and His nay is nay.  Every night, I asked God to end my life so it would be His choice and not mine. And every morning I woke up, I was very disappointed. The incident started in February and I didn't get back to "normal" until September and then in "December", God revealed to me why I went through  all I went through and how even in my pain, He was there even though I couldn't see him. Fast forward to 2015, I am very glad I went through that phase in my life because I experienced God like never before and I grew so much as a Christian. 

Why am I sharing this? To a lot of people, a broken heart is silly, especially in light of others’ pain. The world tells you to check your pain at the door if it's a broken heart. In perspective of other people's pain, you have no right to be sad about a mere breakup. But when you diminish your pain, fearing it insignificant; in the process, you belittle God’s care about your pain. Healing has been offered, but you'll walk away, thinking it is not worth God's trouble.

Your pain is as valid as anyone else's pain. It may be drastically different from the pain of others but it does not mean you're not allowed to feel it. You do not need anyone's permission to feel your ache and loss. Your pain is genuine and this valley you're in, it is real. You know what else is real, that when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God is right there with you. Even if your eyes are so blinded by tears that you cannot see Him, He is there.  (Psalms 23:4).

I am not saying wallow in your hurt forever because if you do, it means you haven't accepted the healing from Jesus that is so freely offered. Don't belittle your grief, but don't also belittle the only One that can help you with your grief and restore your broken heart.


"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds - Psalms 147:3"

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Lots of love,



25 comments:

  1. What a lovely post. My issue at the moment is in that last paragraph. I cannot allow myself to have Jesus talk as I think he is choosing to ignore the hurt and the suffering of many when he has the power to take it away. Yes there are lessons to be learnt and all that but I still feel some of the pain people go through is unnecessary.

    NAMIBIA | THE BLUE HUES OF SWAKOPMUND BEACH

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    1. Thank you for reading. When I was going through my pain, I felt that same way...that God was punishing me and He could just take the pain away. But now I understand why I went through what I went through...and it wasn't unecessary. But I totally get where you're coming from.

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  2. Thank you for this post, people need to hear this, I went through this last year and God helped me through it, joyce meyers book beauty for ashes helped alot as well, fast forward to 2015 I am glad it happened...ull never understand till later.

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  3. I went through this in my Year 3 at Uni and to be honest, that's what brought me closer to God. At first I relied on my own strength to put myself back together to no avail till I let Jesus in. Pain really is a great teacher and I'm glad you also mentioned not belittling the only one that can help us through our pain. He's the only way.

    God bless you Tomilola
    Thanks for sharing

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    1. Yes He is. I tried on my own too and failed miserably till I let Jesus just be Jesus in my life. Thank you for reading xx

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  4. I've been there also...heartbroken, yes...but u actually mean the belittling my pain because quantified to the ills of the world, it's meagre. You're so right, and I never thought about its effect on my faith when I did that before. Great post

    BLEURGH - http://www.bleurghnow.com
    (Book Giveaway still on! http://bit.ly/1MTNIle)

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    1. Thank you for reading dear. We've certainly all been there...

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  5. Tomilola this is such a beautiful and inspirational piece. Thank you https://deffinatlyshaz.wordpress.com/

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  6. Great post dear!!

    http://fashionwalkinbrussels.blogspot.com/

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  7. Wow
    Certainly took a lot of bravery
    Stay strong dear

    www.jbshares.com

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  8. Went through this exact same thing in 2012 and you may not remember, but I spoke with you about it and you really encouraged me. Now I know how you were able to relate. Going through something similar (again *sigh* my poor heart) but this time I didn't make him my all/everything so it's easier to move on. The pain is still there but I know it's valid and with time and Christ in me, my healing is sure.

    Thanks love.

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    1. Wow. I'm so humbled by that. Thank you very much. It was definitely a God. That same God has got you now and is helping you deal with your pain. Just make sure, you let Him do Him xx

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  9. Enjoyed reading this!
    www.officialfantasy.wordpress.com

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  10. People that heartbreak seem silly to are not real if you ask me
    I really appreciate how you use your life experiences to tell us more about God,its divine,don't worry about putting your life out here,we really appreciate it n am sure God does too

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  11. Our tough experiences makes us stronger and closer to God and it's nice to know that he is always there for us. This is a great post girl, keep it up!.

    Princess Audu

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  12. Wow what an inspirational post! Thank you for sharing! xx

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  13. What a well written post. Girl I was in a really similar situation and our God will not tolerate idolatry. I learned my lesson, fought through my pain, and cemented my trust in God. I applaud your bravery in sharing your pain so that others can heal. Just fab!!!

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  14. I can relate to this post on so many levels. Thanks for sharing.

    Molola's Blog

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  15. I loved this post. I'm struggling, I grew apart from God, I want to get closer, but I don't know why it's getting harder and harder. Was your bf a Christian?
    I love that you're a Christian blogger. I don't know why I can't follow you via GFC, but I follow you via Bloglovin.
    Obsessed Fashion Blog

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    1. Thanks for following darling. It is impossible to be a Christian if you're trying to do it on your own. You need the grace of God, so you need to pray for grace to be the Christian God wants us to be. He was a lukewarm Christian which doesn't count as a Christian in accordance with the Bible. Please feel free to email me to talk some more: mystyleloveletters@gmail.com

      Lots of love xx

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  16. Tomi, I remember reading something last week and this post just revalidated the thoughts I had. God can use your pain to reach out to others too; 2cor 1:3-5. Every milisecond of your pain in the path of obedience produces a greater weight of glory. The pain is doing something, of course you cannot see it, be it a broken heart,a dead spouse etc its not meaningless. Until our heart blends with "His" we are yet to enjoy the greater realm of glory he offers. Though he slays me,ruins me I still will praise him.
    Thank you tomi. You are a blessing

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I am so glad you're taking the time out to comment. It really does put a smile on my face ♥