Saturday, March 19, 2016

H2H: MY PORN ADDICTION

The first time I watched porn, I was with a couple of my ex-girlfriends. They said they were going to rent a movie. They didn’t come back for hours, so I slept off while waiting for them because I am the nap queen. The next morning, I asked what movie they rented; they replied and said the CD was in my laptop and I should just press play. It had no name and certainly no plot. At first, I was like “what’s going on here?” “ewwwww” “gross”; and later i was like “oooh, this is interesting”. And that’s how I got hooked for about 5 years. I started with a couple videos every once in a while, to relieve the exam stress and I graduated to about a 100 videos a day. And honestly, I didn’t see it as a big deal. I mean, I wasn’t hurting anyone.

Then I started working in church and I started to think about church folks’ reaction if they ever saw my web history. So I started clearing my web history. Listen folks, the minute you start clearing your web history and you don’t work for the FBI or CIA, you’re doing something really bad. One Sunday morning, I woke up and decided to watch a little porn, which turned into a lot of porn and I missed Church that Sunday. When church folks called to check on me, I had to tell them a lie as to why I didn’t make it to church. It was at that moment, I realised just how big of a problem porn had become in my life. It was the first time I saw porn as SIN. And it was also the first time that I prayed to God about my addiction to porn. I cannot tell you that as soon as I prayed, I felt no urge to watch porn because that would be a big fat lie. It was a prayer, not a deliverance session. It was a gradual and painful process. It was a lot of “singing worship songs” “praying and reading my Bible” and “going out with church folks” whenever I felt like watching porn. But, I did it guys...with Christ’s help, I did it. 

The whole point of sharing my experience with you is to let you know I didn’t realise I needed Christ’s help until I realised I had a sin problem. What I have learnt from that experience is that the first step to getting Christ’s help (especially when trying to break the hold of sin over your life) is to admit you have a sin problem. So many of us have put make-up on our sins, we’ve dressed it up and that it looks so good, it cannot be sin. Once you fail to admit your sin problem, you automatically disqualify yourself from the GRACE-solution. So I guess, all I’m asking is that you take the 1st step today. ADMIT YOU HAVE A SIN PROBLEM






Crop tops can be very tricky to wear when you have boobs. I've definitely had many fails in the past. But I've learnt that the key to wearing crop tops is to keep everything else simple and modest. So I opted for an off-shoulder crop top where you cannot see my boobs at all and paired it with it with a midi length skirt and decided red heels will be a fantastic pop of colour. The red heels are bag are so matchy-matchy but I don't care. 

OUTFIT DETAILS
Primark Crop Top || Ebay Midi Skirt || Missguided Heels || Missselfridge Bag

"Till sin be bitter, Christ will not be sweet - unknown"

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Lots of love,


14 comments:

  1. Good that you found the courage to write this. Most people have had a problem with porn, masturbation or both at some point in their life, and some would either never talk about it, or would talk about it freely because they've convinced themselves that there's nothing wrong with it. We can't reach everybidy, but each of us can reach someone. I hope those you can reach find this helpful. P.S: You're really pretty. Bonus points for showing off how to look good without flaunting skin

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  2. Great..I was blessed by your sincerity..

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  3. I definitely struggled with this. But as you said its a prayer not a deliverance. I guess it all started when I was much younger but the first step is realising thats its a sin and bringing God into the situation. Totally blessed by this.

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  4. Stop lying joor.. 100 videos a day?? Dont you work?

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  5. You are special, i love you so much, nice write up. God is always the best solution to every problem. Happy weekend beauty.

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  6. Hi tomi,


    You can't imagine how happy i found this write up. I have been battling with this addiction as well. As i started it when I was dating my ex (we didn't have sex "thank God" but i felt I needed to watch it so i can be good with him. LOL BUT my one time trial turned into months, years it even got to a time where I felt i couldn't feel good without watching it. So I understand what you mean by clearing up your history all the time LOL.

    I didnt know how to ask for help, as I felt I might be judged(girls don't watch porn) so I want online to seek for help. Trust me that didn't help... so lately I have been indulging myself with loads of novels and writing to keep my mind of it. And I pray everytime that God should help me, it's hard but i am getting there. You gave me hope and strenght knowing I'm not alone.

    Thank you tomi xx

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  7. God bless you for sharing Tomi! Lovely outfit as per

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  8. What an extremely candid and transparent post. I applaud your courage to share your story and experience. You never know how your story can positively impact someone. Cute look too.

    www.stylenpoise.com

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  9. First, this being the 1st thing I hear 4rm u in over a decade, its a poignant contrast from the ever so shy Tomi from back in the day!

    Confronting ur vulnerabilities does make u stronger and thats exactly what u have done, this will go a long way 4 a lotta ppl.

    But the key word is confronting, distracting urself with novels and other activities, in my opinion, just delays the next time u get to warch more porn. You need to somehow condition your mimd to be disgusted by the concept. Which is the real challenge. Again,great write up, cheers.

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  10. Hmnnn... Really love your sincerity darling. I swear I never knew girls also get addicted to porn... thought it was a guy thing but now I understand better. I used to watch porn back in the day (thanks to bestie) but I was addicted...chill o.. was I addicted? I dunno really. How do you know when it becomes addiction cos there were times I watched porn on my phone. Anyways I love you and I love this blog and I am sticking around boo.. mwaahhh

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

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  11. Great and very inspiring write up Oluwatomilola. God bless you plenty!

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  12. thank God for your deliverance tomilola and i must say its not an easy thing to say your problems out in an open atmosphere like this. a lot of people are dealing with stuff but no one to turn to but thank God theres help from him and platforms like this. keep the faith girl!

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I am so glad you're taking the time out to comment. It really does put a smile on my face ♥